Mar 21, 2011

Sleepless In Seattle

Where you living right now? What happened to Seattle? What's going on? I've been oddly quit about Seattle and what's going on in my life. I've been looking for the right words... not too many to bore or be TMI.
I'm back in Iowa right now. I'm moving back to Minneapolis on May 14. I took an unplanned break from art, but am hard at work on something great. I'm a stubborn son of a bitch and a bit thick headed at times. And it took me awhile to realize where I wanted to be... in every since of the phrase.

I didn't adjust well to life after college very well and moved to Iowa to get my shit together. I also left because I felt like I was trapped. Trapped somewhere I wasn't sure I wanted to be. I went with my tail between my legs and a sense of shame. I felt like I could never move back. I went back to Minneapolis when I could. When I did I felt wonderful, alive again.

While in Iowa I dealt with some depression and person issues. I did some freelance work, worked for a pre-college high school program, and at a gas station. The gas station job I tookback after coming back from Seattle.

I moved to Seattle to recreate myself, to try something new, prove something, and much more. By moving so far away from the mid-west I could break out of my feeling of being trapped. I was once toldl that the reason that I am ANYTHING or have ANY kind of success is because of friends and college professors that have taken pity on me. It stuck with me... and made me upset. I shouldn't worry what people think or say... but it hurt.

In the past I have put parts of myself on the back burner... my dating life for example. When I left Seattle I had dated many people.

I explored parts of myself. After working at a really bad job at a bagel shop, I had a wonderful job at a bookstore. Went to parties and get togethers and became friends with folks at a local publisher. I had made friends and was living a life. Seattle was great, I became a new person. I had or was on my way to having everything I wanted... and I got ALL on my OWN. But I didn't want it anymore.

I proved to myself what I wanted to prove. Got what I wanted... then wanted to come home. Not Iowa. Minneapolis. I became a man in Minneapolis, my friends are there, I became an artist there. Seattle was great, it was a wonderful life... but it wasn't my life. My life is in Minneapolis.
I packed up, gave my notice at work, and fly back to Iowa Christmas Day. After the new year, I went and offered to work again at the gas station. And plotted my return.

Another part of my life that I shut out was a major part of my childhood. Anyone that saw my senior project knows what I'm talking about. Before moving to Seattle I went and confronted my "demons" from the past. Only to find old friends that where hurt that we lost contact.
After catching up with who we are now, and what we have done... there was no more hurt. The wounds of the past healed. My friend Josh told me that I was the same guy I was as a kid. I didn't care what overs thought, I drew... said... did... whatever I liked, and to hell with anyone that didn't like it. It almost made me cry... it was true as a child, but knew my adult self has not lived up to that. But... that has changed

You draw from your life to make art. But I was using art to hide from my life.

I'm moving back to Minneapolis cause I WANT TO. I'm a comic book artist, and a damn good cartoonist. My current project is called Psychopomp.

1 comment:

Jp Pollard said...

Excellent post, Jesse. Good for you, man!