Jan 28, 2009

Batman Number 1, 2/4: Hugo Strange

Part one of my review of Batman number 1 can be found here.

Professor Hugo Strange and The Monsters
Hugo Strange is, up until this point, the closest thing that Batman has had to an archenemy, only because he has appeared more then once. The story starts with Strange organizing and carrying out a massive prison-break. The next night he breaks into the insane asylum and kidnaps the inmates. This alone is not enough to get Bruce Wayne off his ass, oh NO, he waits to see what happens.

A MONTH later, a fifteen-foot monster attacks the city. The police try to stop him, but their bullets have no affect on him. After the attack the monster jumps in the back of a truck and escapes. The next night another monster attacks the city. Upon fleeing the scene, Batman follows the truck (guess he figured waiting for the body count to rise didn't pay off much) in what has to be THE coolest plane EVER! For real, check this thing out! it looks like a BAT… Where DOES he get those wonderful toys?

Walking into the hideout Batman is caught by two of Strange's monsters. Then comes a page of exposition in which Strange tells how he had kidnapped the inmates from the mental hospital. And how he created a serum that turns them into monsters. DUH! Part of the side affect being that your mind becomes distorted and must obey him. If it distorts the mind anyway, why did he need mental patients? Strange then injects Batman with said serum, telling him that it takes eighteen hours to work, "precisely at noon".

Waking up hours later in a cage, Batman looks at the clock with the little hand almost at the twelve, figuring his time is almost up. Okay… The first thing I would think was, "Has it been six hours or eighteen, is it almost midnight or noon?” How does he know that it's been eighteen hours? And if the serum takes eighteen hours to work, why was it SO dark when Batmen first tracked down the hideout. I mean he would have had to start tracking them at least by 5pm? It must be winter or something.

Strange sends most of his men out in to two trucks to commit crimes, giving Batman time to grab the explosive out of his boot (insert shoe-bomber joke here). He blows his way out of the cage. Then knocks strange out a window… that happens to face a cliff, sending him to his DEATH.Batman PUSHED someone out a window to his DEATH. BATMAN just KILLED someone. Wait? Wait a fucking second. Look at that panel… it's suppose to be NOON! And the MOON is out. Batman DOES NOT LIVE in ALASKA!!! This doesn't make any sense.

Having KILLED their master Batman makes the two monsters left behind fight each other, while he develops a cure. He DEVELOPS a CURE, in five minutes. He had NO idea what the serum was made of, how the HELL can he make a CURE… in FIVE MINUTES no less!?!

CURING himself, Batman gives exposition about how the two monsters killed each other like he had hope. AS HE HAD HOPED! If anyone shouldn't be killed its these poor people… mental patients that were forced from their beds and injected with chemicals turning them into brainwashed monsters… here's an idea Bats how about USING that CURE you JUST made, to maybe HELP them. Asshole. Murderous ASSHOLE.

Using his super cool Bat-plane, Batman plans to track down the two trucks carrying monsters. Finding the first one, Batman guns down the truck… That's right folks… BATMAN… GUNNED… down a truck. For the ONE of you who doesn't know, Batman traditionally does not use a gun… EVER. He has some daddy issues about it. People say its part of the mythos that he never did. Having read this and many other Golden Age Bat stories, I can call bullshit on that, and now, so can you.

Since bullets don't kill the monster, Batman throws down a rope and lynches him. Batman just LYNCHED a guy. Of all the ways to kill someone this is one of the worst.

Finding and gunning down the second truck. Batman doesn't Lynch this monster. I guess it's a faux pas to kill the same way twice. Instead Batman gets the monster to climb to the top of a large building, were Batman knocks him off killing him King Kong style. Okay… Just so we are all clear here in this story alone Batman has killed at least seven people: four monsters, two drivers, and Hugo Strange. Batman is a MURDERER. That's the way the story ends. With Batman flying away with a trail of bodies behind him.

Tomorrow: The Cat

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